The Incredible Shrinking American

•August 14, 2007 • Leave a Comment


I heard something about his on the radio recently, and thought I’d take a look around the web for more info. It appears to be true. We Americans are shrinking!

According to CBS News:

From the days of the founding fathers right on through the industrial revolution and two world wars, Americans literally towered over other nations. In a land of boundless open spaces and limitless natural abundance, the young nation transformed its increasing wealth into human growth.

But just as it has in so many other arenas, America’s predominance in height has faded. Americans reached a height plateau after World War II, gradually falling behind the rest of the world as it continued growing taller.

By the time the baby boomers reached adulthood in the 1960s, most northern and western European countries had caught up with and surpassed the United States. Young adults in Japan and other prosperous Asian countries now stand nearly as tall as Americans do.

Even residents of the formerly communist East Germany are taller than Americans today.

Is it my self-professed paranoia, or are Japan and Germany rising up against us again? Perhaps they’re planning on joining forces with China and North Korea, not to mention Russia, in a Pan-Asian Eastern Bloc takeover of our shrinking widening populace?

It’s high time to start eating right
exercising and spending more quality time on the rack!


More interesting tidbits can be found here:

Why Americans Are Getting Shorter

The Dutch the World’s Tallest People

The Height Gap



V to the 3

•June 25, 2007 • Leave a Comment


Well, I’ve been a little video happy lately. I promised myself I would never do that, especially considering how much I hate slow page loads. But one of the great features of a WordPress blog is that you don’t have to embed the actual videos if you don’t want to do so. The Snap Preview option allows the blogger to create links, which connect to the actual videos, and then the reader can view them in pop-up windows.

Nevertheless, I’ve decided to launch a site geared specifically to those anomalistic videos I find most entertaining.

Check them out over at the v:id[e]o-syncratic v:isual[eye]zation v:ault.


That’s Smurf-tacular!

•June 25, 2007 • Leave a Comment


This one’s for the guys at work.


Smurf on Family Guy


You know who you are!


Tired of Rushing off to the Bathroom?

•June 19, 2007 • Leave a Comment


Well, worry no more! I don’t know if anyone else has noticed the slew of incontinence product ads geared towards men lately, but it’s got me thinking. Diapers really are a viable solution…at any age. We already know they’re great for infants, not to mention our aging elders. But what about the rest of us guys in the prime of our lives?

Perhaps you’ve had a similar experience? You know the one…the one where you’re sitting in your favorite coffee house minding your own business, and you think you’re over that horrible stomach virus which had you glued to the porcelain god for the past several days. You’re thrilled to be out in public again! But then you start to feel that familiar can-you-fart-in-public-and-get-away-with-it feeling. A brief glance over each shoulder and you decide to just let it rip, only to be surprised by an ass-load of boxer butter; and you immediately come to the conclusion that white shorts are no longer an acceptable fashion option.


Perhaps one of these fine products would have saved you some embarrassment:


Serenity® for MEN
Serenity® for MEN is a revolutionary product anatomically designed for men. This product features a Dry Fast Core™ – with superabosrbents that lock in liquid quickly. The soft, cloth-like outer cover provides comfort and discretion. With the addition of OdaSorb Plus™ to help control odor, Serenity for MEN delivers on 3 key consumer needs: protection, comfort and discretion.
Serenity® Discreet Activewear
New Serenity® Discreet Activewear looks and feels like your regular underwear. It is a discreet, comfortable and secure pull-on type protection for moderate bladder weakness. It features a revolutionary, cottony soft fabric that stretches in every direction. It gently hugs your body for a closer fit giving you more comfort than the leading protective underwear. Serenity® Discreet Activewear moves securely with you so your protection stays in place and is less visible under clothes. Serenity® Discreet Activewear offers advanced leakage protection and OdaSorb Plus™, pH-balanced to help control odors. It offers Ultra Plus absorbency and comes in medium and large sizes.

  • Hip sizes: 36-44 inches or 93-112 cm.
  • Waist sizes: 29-40 inches or 75-100 cm.


  • Hip sizes: 42-52 inches or 109-132 cm.
  • Waist sizes: 37-50 inches or 95-125 cm.


Don’t forget to enter the Serenity Packaging contest!

You could win a
$10,000 Home Makeover,
so enter today!

“Enter and you could win prizes designed to change the look of how you live – upstairs, downstairs and all around the house.”


A better complement to your recently redesigned crotch I cannot even imagine. I’ll be applying for a position on the Serenity marketing team just as soon as I finish my own morning constitutional!


Haven’t had enough poop talk yet? Well, take a more detailed look at, and further educate yourself about, the recently patented “sanitary elasticized male guard“. Good times.

Personally, I’ve been a proud and satisfied customer of the following product, first introduced by Saturday Night Live, and I haven’t had an embarrassing ETLS in years!

At least not one anyone else has noticed!

oops I crapped my pants

Click here to watch the original commercial!


Keep Austin Weird

•June 16, 2007 • Leave a Comment


According to my favorite source of mostly accurate information:

“Keep Austin Weird is the slogan adopted by the Austin Independent Business Alliance to promote small businesses in Austin, Texas. The phrase arose from an offhand remark by Red Wassenich (a librarian at Austin Community College) in a phone call to a local radio station. He and his wife, Karen Pavelka, placed the slogan on bumper stickers, distributing them free to businesses in Austin; it was later trademarked by Outhouse Designs and used to market T-shirts, hats, and mugs.

The slogan refers to the many small businesses in Austin, and that it is these businesses that give Austin its unique cultural identity. This slogan is trying to prevent a rapid increase of major corporations, which would create a large city vibe and make the city of Austin “normal”.

Austin’s message of support for local businesses has inspired similar movements in other cities, including Portland, Oregon; Tampa, Florida; Raleigh, North Carolina; Louisville, Kentucky; Indianapolis, Indiana; Santa Cruz, California; and Boulder, Colorado.”


OK, enough history. How about a great way to celebrate your weirdness? Come on down to the 5th Annual Keep Austin Weird 5K and Festival being held today at Republic Square in downtown Austin.

Check out all the details here!

You can find even more weirdness at the official Keep Austin Weird web site.

Keep Austin Weird

There’s all kinds of fun stuff there, including where you can pick up a copy of “Keep Austin Weird: A Guide to the Odd Side of Town”. Check out the Map of Austin Weirdness and don’t forget to take the “Am I Weird?” test.


And, finally…Keep Austin Weird!



•June 11, 2007 • Leave a Comment


Oh my.

I learned something new from my friend Joe today.

OK, just like everyone else out there, I’ve used a “handle” on various online dating (or social networking) sites over the years to protect my privacy. Mine is Wx5plusH. If you know me, then you’ve probably seen it, and so I’m not really that worried about protecting my true identity.

Joe and I were talking about all the various dating sites, and he asked me about the significance of my handle. Only one person so far has guessed it’s true meaning. Many, MANY, have guessed. And many, MANY, have come up with some really creative (and nasty) ideas about what they hope it means. Yikes!

Well, to put all that aside, I will now explain.

It comes from a high school English class which taught me everything I know about language, grammar and writing. The short version of the story is that it represents the six questions most frequently asked in any written piece:

Who, What, Where, When, Why and How.

Pretty simple.

It’s a great little formula when you’re making a party invitation!

Well, because of how it looks, Joe mistook it to be a reference to the “Plushy” community, a group I had no idea existed. The Urban Dictionary defines a Plushy as “a person who has a fetish for stuffed animals or people dressed as stuffed animals”.

[Whatever you do, do NOT click on the link to the definitions if you’ve heard everything you care to hear. Or read. Or imagine.]

On the other hand, if you’re a complete sicko (or just have a really sick sense of humor), check out Wolfy, Master of Plushy Porn!


Anomalistic? Hilarious!


It’s Cat-tastic!

•May 21, 2007 • 2 Comments




OK, the kids have MySpace, your friends have Friendster, and your colleagues have LinkinIn. But who’s looking out for our little furry pals? Catster and Dogster! That’s who! I ran across those fun little sites over the weekend and thought they were worth sharing.

So many of us live only to chat online, or to connect with friends or make business connections on social networking sites. And who can resist posting those weekend road trip pics on line?

Everyone’s blogging. There are a bazillion personal websites out there. And who doesn’t have a web store hauking some doodad or thingamajig?

Well, now even your four-legged friends can get in the action!


Even mine.